I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The uberlube is also flammable
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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