He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
