you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Damn victory sex feels great
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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