You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
