Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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