is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
