my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
