so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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