My vagina just recognized that song.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
