Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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