Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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