sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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