Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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