i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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