I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
In America we eat man semen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
