Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
