Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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