Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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