Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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