also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
