I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
