A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
