So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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