i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need to calm my uterus...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
