Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
