So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i came on her dog
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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