please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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