Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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