Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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