You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
