I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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