now i know why i became what i already was.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
