I smell stomach acid.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
