yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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