you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
