...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
operation have a gay friend backfired
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
