I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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