What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
