You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
