Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
