last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
