Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
