VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
