Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
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i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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