Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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