That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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