I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
