he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
