I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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