Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and she was petting her beer can
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
