I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
