there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
