YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
