not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
