i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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