Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
