Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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