You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
