I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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