at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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