smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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