Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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