it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
