she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Your penis caused this!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
