Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
