also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
