you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
