Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
