Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
