I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
