im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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